Turns out the maid is only slightly sharper than a marble, bless her heart. I stop just short of calling her an imbecile.
She does everything wrong, and is helpful in all the wrong ways ( here- let me put mayonnaise on those eggs for you). She's like Tivo with preferences. Since she found out i like coffee, she makes coffee all day long. I have to manually program her, like a toy robot- or else she might bump into walls.
My is always frustrated with her. She should really just let her go, if not for the hours of fun My gets out of her. The maid asked her once what the color of a white person's blood was. My told her it was blue. So the maid goes to the neighbors with the exciting news. "No shit... BLUE!"
Poor, poor bonehead.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Cast of Characters
There are actually eight kids in My's family. Let me introduce you to the ones i know.
Hien is the baby at 21 years old. She is possibly the cutest sister too. She has frightful taste in music and when she's cleaning or cooking, she hums the Godfather Theme. I'm doubtful she's seen the movie. I don't know why it's stuck in her head. Now it's in mine. Thanks Hien.
Then there's Trang. She's 23. She has a thing for me. She would be very cute if she wasn't rail thin. She has a problem in her brain where she stays up all night thinking. It doesn't shut off. As a side effect from the medication she takes to stop her brain, she's lost a lot of weight.
Then there's Tuan, who is a wayward 25 year old boy. He helps around the house some, but mostly he just sleeps on My's couch. He's cool though. We get along in a guy way.
Then comes a sister who i don't know well, who is 27. She has a beautiful little girl named Na.
Then My at 30.
Then there's Vu, tailor wizard. My suit is fabulous, by the way. He's also made me some linen pants and some shirts. Go Vu.
Then comes a brother and a sister named Bit. Bit has a little 15 month-old. Last night for fun we tied his feet together and tried to get him to walk to us. And he did it, bless his heart.
All of My's sisters like to put their hands all over me, whether it be to pet me or to massage my shoulders. They even rest their head on me when they sit next to me. I like that. It's very nice.
Hien is the baby at 21 years old. She is possibly the cutest sister too. She has frightful taste in music and when she's cleaning or cooking, she hums the Godfather Theme. I'm doubtful she's seen the movie. I don't know why it's stuck in her head. Now it's in mine. Thanks Hien.
Then there's Trang. She's 23. She has a thing for me. She would be very cute if she wasn't rail thin. She has a problem in her brain where she stays up all night thinking. It doesn't shut off. As a side effect from the medication she takes to stop her brain, she's lost a lot of weight.
Then there's Tuan, who is a wayward 25 year old boy. He helps around the house some, but mostly he just sleeps on My's couch. He's cool though. We get along in a guy way.
Then comes a sister who i don't know well, who is 27. She has a beautiful little girl named Na.
Then My at 30.
Then there's Vu, tailor wizard. My suit is fabulous, by the way. He's also made me some linen pants and some shirts. Go Vu.
Then comes a brother and a sister named Bit. Bit has a little 15 month-old. Last night for fun we tied his feet together and tried to get him to walk to us. And he did it, bless his heart.
All of My's sisters like to put their hands all over me, whether it be to pet me or to massage my shoulders. They even rest their head on me when they sit next to me. I like that. It's very nice.
Monday, March 26, 2007
The Move
I made the move to My's house.
It's so much more comfortable here. It's about 10 degrees cooler on the river, first of all. It's nice and quiet at night, and there's more space.
There are 6 bedrooms in this house. There's a big dining room and kitchen. There are two big living rooms, one with a fully stocked bar. My has a sweet desk i'm using, and the studio setup is more than perfect. My told the maid to call me "honey" and that i love mango shakes, which is true, so she makes them for me periodically and brings them up.
I'm well set up here. Come visit and we'll have margaritas and set up the badminton in the street.
It's so much more comfortable here. It's about 10 degrees cooler on the river, first of all. It's nice and quiet at night, and there's more space.
There are 6 bedrooms in this house. There's a big dining room and kitchen. There are two big living rooms, one with a fully stocked bar. My has a sweet desk i'm using, and the studio setup is more than perfect. My told the maid to call me "honey" and that i love mango shakes, which is true, so she makes them for me periodically and brings them up.
I'm well set up here. Come visit and we'll have margaritas and set up the badminton in the street.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Anatomy of my Apartment Building
My apartment building is an ecosystem all to itself.
Next door to me the tenants run a small hair salon in their apartment. The teenage girl who lives there walks around in a purple nightie all day, and in the elevator she always tries to talk with me in vietnamese. We can tell each other that we are fine today and that the weather is cooler, but that's about it.
Across the hall is a makeshift classroom for kids learning english. The door is always open during class, and the kids are always totally distracted by me when i'm coming in and out of my place. Just like kids sitting in classes anywhere i guess- any distraction is welcomed.
The guy who runs parking always gets pissed at me for coming home too late, but then he likes me again in the morning.
People on the first floor run little eateries out of their apartments. You can also buy convenience store type items. They are always changing prices on me. But that's fine because it's not consistently more, and i think it's kinda funny.
Many people around here think it perfectly normal to walk around in their pyjamas all day. There's one old guy who refuses to wear actual clothes ever. He's even got bedroom slippers.
There's a restaurant around the front where four mute sisters work. All four, totally speechless. It's cool to see them communicate with their hands. They are so good at it. I'm sure that while they were growing up they had lots of practice together.
Next door to me the tenants run a small hair salon in their apartment. The teenage girl who lives there walks around in a purple nightie all day, and in the elevator she always tries to talk with me in vietnamese. We can tell each other that we are fine today and that the weather is cooler, but that's about it.
Across the hall is a makeshift classroom for kids learning english. The door is always open during class, and the kids are always totally distracted by me when i'm coming in and out of my place. Just like kids sitting in classes anywhere i guess- any distraction is welcomed.
The guy who runs parking always gets pissed at me for coming home too late, but then he likes me again in the morning.
People on the first floor run little eateries out of their apartments. You can also buy convenience store type items. They are always changing prices on me. But that's fine because it's not consistently more, and i think it's kinda funny.
Many people around here think it perfectly normal to walk around in their pyjamas all day. There's one old guy who refuses to wear actual clothes ever. He's even got bedroom slippers.
There's a restaurant around the front where four mute sisters work. All four, totally speechless. It's cool to see them communicate with their hands. They are so good at it. I'm sure that while they were growing up they had lots of practice together.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Brad and Angelina
Yep, they're here adopting some poor kid.
How well can you handle that thing , Brad? This is MY town, jerky. I'll take you on any day. Meet me under the train trestle in Thu Duc at midnight...
In the meantime, order your wife some pork chops. Eat, girl.
Rain
Today when i woke up from a nap, i was startled that i didn't hear the clink of dice in a bowl outside. What? The game guys NOT playing "the game"? Inconceivable.
When i looked outside, I realized why. It was raining. I haven't seen rain in at least two months. After the rain it was cool and breezy- a welcome change. It looks a bit like rain now as well- here's hoping!
By the way, the game guys WERE still playing. They had just moved business into the first floor hallway.
When i looked outside, I realized why. It was raining. I haven't seen rain in at least two months. After the rain it was cool and breezy- a welcome change. It looks a bit like rain now as well- here's hoping!
By the way, the game guys WERE still playing. They had just moved business into the first floor hallway.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The Heat
Let me illustrate how hot it is here during the day.
If you were somehow magically transported along with central Florida to the surface of the sun, and then you put on every piece of clothing you owned and sat next to a space heater, you might understand.
If you were somehow magically transported along with central Florida to the surface of the sun, and then you put on every piece of clothing you owned and sat next to a space heater, you might understand.
My's House
My's house is a palatial villa on the Saigon river. She's got a housemate who is never there, and a live-in maid. It's a comfortable spot just outside Saigon proper. I'm seriously thinking about moving operations over there. It's much more comfortable and spacious, plus the maid makes all the food, as well as just about everything else around there. I would be well taken care of. It's hard to find a reason not to, really.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Kids in my apartment building
Lon, Thuy, and Hung.
So now the question is posed- based on the photos i've taken, who are the cutest kids? Japanese, Thai, Cambodian, or Vietnamese? hmmm? Pick just one, i dare you.
Sorry China and Laos. You'll get your chance.
So now the question is posed- based on the photos i've taken, who are the cutest kids? Japanese, Thai, Cambodian, or Vietnamese? hmmm? Pick just one, i dare you.
Sorry China and Laos. You'll get your chance.
Friday, March 16, 2007
My's Parents
When My was 12, her Dad started taking a fancy to this 19 year old girl. So much so, that he invited her to live in their home. I don't know exactly what was said between My's folks, but the arrangement was allowed, mom with her bedroom, and dad's love den in another. Apparently mom had her hands full raising dad's seven kids, and didn't have the time to care about what dad was up to. She was 30 years old.
The girl stayed for two years. Eventually her dad decided he didn't want this girl anymore, and that he just wanted his wife.
Mom: "ok, whatever."
And they're still together.
The girl stayed for two years. Eventually her dad decided he didn't want this girl anymore, and that he just wanted his wife.
Mom: "ok, whatever."
And they're still together.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Open Letter to Vietnamese Coffee
You brazen temptress. Why do you taunt me? You know i am powerless against your rich flavorfulness. I shall drink you black so as to ponder your delicate intricacies, your unapologetic deliciousness. You are my weakness, my sin, the light by which i travel into this and that- shall i put you into a to-go cup, so we might be alone?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Update
I didn't get enough time in Hue. I had to get back down here to get to work, unfortunately. We really only had the time to call in on some of My's relatives. I bought her aunt some flowers for Women's Day, and she gave me some jackfruits from her stall in the market. I'll be back to Hue, for sure. It deserves to be explored thoroughly.
A couple days later Dave Frazer arrived. And it's been a hilarious time ever since. We've been racing around town, hitting all the fancy scenes and hanging out with the beautiful people. We have both separately and collectively expressed our firm belief that Vietnam undoubtedly has the most beautiful women on earth. If there's a higher concentration of loveliness in this world, i don't need to know about it. I might short circuit.
My has been up in Quang Ngai working out her restaurant stuff. She'll be back on Saturday, and i'm really excited to see her again. I've missed her.
A couple days later Dave Frazer arrived. And it's been a hilarious time ever since. We've been racing around town, hitting all the fancy scenes and hanging out with the beautiful people. We have both separately and collectively expressed our firm belief that Vietnam undoubtedly has the most beautiful women on earth. If there's a higher concentration of loveliness in this world, i don't need to know about it. I might short circuit.
My has been up in Quang Ngai working out her restaurant stuff. She'll be back on Saturday, and i'm really excited to see her again. I've missed her.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Mobile
Since I've gotten more used to this city, i decided to do the inevitable and get my own motorbike.
I am a terror on these streets. I'm as crazy as the rest of them. I have near collisions every ten seconds. I hop curbs and ride on sidewalks in order to go the wrong way on one-way streets. I make u-turns in the middle of the street in the thick of traffic. I cut off buses and ambulances. I am disrespectful to all traffic signs. I am a proper Saigonite.
I am a terror on these streets. I'm as crazy as the rest of them. I have near collisions every ten seconds. I hop curbs and ride on sidewalks in order to go the wrong way on one-way streets. I make u-turns in the middle of the street in the thick of traffic. I cut off buses and ambulances. I am disrespectful to all traffic signs. I am a proper Saigonite.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Hey you.
Haven't heard from many folks. :( Go buy a microphone and call me on Skype. It's an order. Come on people now, smile on your brother.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
The Vietnamese and America
"The American War was a contest between organized modern technology and organized human beings. The human beings won." -Howard Zinn
No one here seems to harbor any ill will towards America.To the Vietnamese, the Americans are just one more world power that tried to control Vietnam in a long series of wars. Over hundreds of years, Vietnam has remained Vietnam, despite the efforts of China, the Mongols, Japan, France, and the US. The vietnamese haven't the time to waste on grudges. They would be pissed at half the world.
I've been asked casually if my father was here during the war. I've been told many times how great my country is. It's as if the war never happened. My landlord is a Hanoi native in his fifties. He spent ten years in Moscow (doing god knows what), so his Russian is way better than his english. Looking in his eyes while he's explaining the phone bill, i can't help but think that if i was standing in front of this man 35 years ago, he would be doing his very best to kill me. But now he's renting out a room to me and fixing my air conditioner.
On the train back from Hue, i communed with the countryside outside the window. The Hueys that once peppered the skies have long since ceded the airspace back to the waterfowl. Staring in to the cool green expanse of the rice fields, i tried to imagine myself as that young GI with the buzzcut and coke-bottle glasses, wading through the elephant grass, M-16 at my hip. I must admit it was difficult. It's just so serene and beautiful. It's hard to imagine anything horrible happening here, ever.
The Vietnamese have fought vigorously for these beautiful shores, the green hills, the quiet valleys. I'd say it was a worthwhile endeavor. Due to the tenacity and iron will of these people, Vietnam will forever remain vietnamese. Get used to it.
No one here seems to harbor any ill will towards America.To the Vietnamese, the Americans are just one more world power that tried to control Vietnam in a long series of wars. Over hundreds of years, Vietnam has remained Vietnam, despite the efforts of China, the Mongols, Japan, France, and the US. The vietnamese haven't the time to waste on grudges. They would be pissed at half the world.
I've been asked casually if my father was here during the war. I've been told many times how great my country is. It's as if the war never happened. My landlord is a Hanoi native in his fifties. He spent ten years in Moscow (doing god knows what), so his Russian is way better than his english. Looking in his eyes while he's explaining the phone bill, i can't help but think that if i was standing in front of this man 35 years ago, he would be doing his very best to kill me. But now he's renting out a room to me and fixing my air conditioner.
On the train back from Hue, i communed with the countryside outside the window. The Hueys that once peppered the skies have long since ceded the airspace back to the waterfowl. Staring in to the cool green expanse of the rice fields, i tried to imagine myself as that young GI with the buzzcut and coke-bottle glasses, wading through the elephant grass, M-16 at my hip. I must admit it was difficult. It's just so serene and beautiful. It's hard to imagine anything horrible happening here, ever.
The Vietnamese have fought vigorously for these beautiful shores, the green hills, the quiet valleys. I'd say it was a worthwhile endeavor. Due to the tenacity and iron will of these people, Vietnam will forever remain vietnamese. Get used to it.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Up North
On Wednesday we rode up to Hue from Hoi An, the old imperial capital of Vietnam. On the way, a beer truck overturned up the road ahead of our bus. The traffic was backed up for miles on this rural mountain road. After about a half hour, My had what turned out to be a stroke of mad genius. Somehow she knew the traffic wasn't going to move, and she said we should hike up the road three miles past the wreck and get some one to take us the rest of the way on motorbikes. I love this girl.
We left all the suckers back at the bus, and the walk was cool and refreshing. When we got to the wreck, My went up to the driver and told him that since he had caused all this trouble and made us walk all the way up this hill, he should give us a beer. And he did. Did i say i love this girl?
We found folks to take us easily, and we got to Hue 45 minutes later. The bus didn't arrive for four hours.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Lightbox?
A lightbox is absolutely crucial to my work. Without one, i might as well find another profession.
The search for one in Saigon has been at times aggravating, other times frustrating, and always nerve-wracking. Everyone acts like they know what it is and where to get one, but they haven't a clue. I printed out a picture of it and i've been pounding the pavement. One lady asked me if it was for karaoke. Another guy asked me where i put the CD in. No, guys! The concept is simple! A box, with lights in it! (flicking fingers like lights)
For two weeks i couldn't find one anywhere. I was scheming on how to make one with the glass from my table and a desklamp, when i finally found one in a medical supply store today. Hallelujah.
I'm flying up to Danang and Hue to meet up with My tomorrow for a couple days. She's opening a restaurant up there.
The search for one in Saigon has been at times aggravating, other times frustrating, and always nerve-wracking. Everyone acts like they know what it is and where to get one, but they haven't a clue. I printed out a picture of it and i've been pounding the pavement. One lady asked me if it was for karaoke. Another guy asked me where i put the CD in. No, guys! The concept is simple! A box, with lights in it! (flicking fingers like lights)
For two weeks i couldn't find one anywhere. I was scheming on how to make one with the glass from my table and a desklamp, when i finally found one in a medical supply store today. Hallelujah.
I'm flying up to Danang and Hue to meet up with My tomorrow for a couple days. She's opening a restaurant up there.
Visitor
It looks like I'm getting a visitor- Dave Frazer is flying into Saigon at the end of this week. He's in for it. He won't be the same when i'm done with him.
Mississippi My
My is a shark attack on a pool table. I can't beat her. The game ends too quick. I'm trying to figure out how i can make money off her, touring the states. When she wins, she taunts me by singing the Vietnam soccer chant- "Viet Naaaaaa-aam! Viet Naaaaaa-am!
I'm better at darts.
I'm better at darts.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Skype handle
I got my high speed internet, so now i can talk on Skype. My handle is HowellGolson.
Talk soon.
Talk soon.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Mauvais Chien!
My has a German shepherd named Theo and a black lab named Abbie. I love to hear her chastise them in French.
Last night, My's sister Hien found Theo eating her pet hamster in the living room. Hien went running throughout the house crying, and her other sisters were following her trying to console her. My flew into a gallic tirade. I don't know what she was shouting at this dog, but i know i don't want to be on the wrong end of it. She's 90 pounds of whoop-ass. Hell hath no fury.
Last night, My's sister Hien found Theo eating her pet hamster in the living room. Hien went running throughout the house crying, and her other sisters were following her trying to console her. My flew into a gallic tirade. I don't know what she was shouting at this dog, but i know i don't want to be on the wrong end of it. She's 90 pounds of whoop-ass. Hell hath no fury.
Vertical Ray of the Sun
This is a good vietnamese movie. It's extremely beautiful at least. I mention this movie because My and her sisters are a lot like the sisters in this movie. "Cyclo" tackles a grittier side of life in urban vietnam, and it's also worthwhile.
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