Singing Battles

Every morning here, without fail, someone in the house will start singing some vietnamese song. Then Hien, in another room, starts singing another tune of her choosing. Then this girl Nga who lives here gets infected and is compelled to sing another song. Soon the house sounds like a Vietnamese radio that's been tuned in between stations.

I've learned my own Vietnamese song so that i don't feel left out.

Great to be a Vampire

We were biking through the jungle on Phu Quoc, both silent and lost in our thoughts, when My suddenly spoke up.

"Great to be vampire here , huh?"

"ummm....wait- what did you just say??"

"Great to be a vampire here. You can go at night, hunting animal, drink their blood."

Weirdo. It was like i was talking to Nicole Linde for a minute there.

My also has a uniquely colorful way of expressing herself sometimes. Even if she doesn't know the right words to say, the story still goes on. One time she was trying to tell a story about an exotic dancer. She said, "you know the girl who dances in the tree?"

"umm...no." I must admit, I've never seen, heard of, or even thought about a girl dancing in a tree. Then i realized she was talking about pole dancing. The story went on from there, but I was was still stuck pondering the image of a girl dancing in a tree. I still don't recall the rest of the story.

Phu Quoc

Phu Quoc
Originally uploaded by toy ghost

Just got back from a four-day trip to Phu Quoc Island, and whether i needed an attitude adjustment or not, i got one. I'm looser than Granma's underpants.

Whenever I start raving about somewhere i go, My gives me a dismissive look and says, "Howell likes every place." Well, I suppose that's mostly true. Howell likes a lot of things. That being said, here it goes:

Phu Quoc is a piece of gold. It's wildly beautiful, the water is warm and clear as bath water, the people are inviting, and the beaches and snorkeling are world-class. But the thing that sets Phu Quoc apart from a Thai or Hawaiian island is not its beauty- it's the fact that there's nobody there. Phu Quoc has, until now, virtually avoided almost any tourism. It is completely off the tourist circuit, so much that many people don't even know it exists. Granted, there are a few resorts and places to rent bungalows. But for the most part the roads are unpaved, and daily island life goes on undisturbed.

My and I spent most of the time exporing the beaches, waterfalls and jungle. The jungle is full of monkeys and wild pig, and the trees are crawling with orchids. Although i never read any literature about it, My also insists there are tigers. All along the coast of Phu Quoc are little fishing villages where you can buy fish. We bought My's Dad a huge bag of dried squid. It's all you, Duc. Eat up.

One evening on the beach we happened upon a family roasting a Phu Quoc wild pig who insisted we join them. All we had to do was help them reel in their fishing boats, using a foot-pedaled wooden pully.

If you go to Pok Pok on Division in Portland, you can try their delicious Phu Quoc chicken wings. The only difference between Pok Pok and Phu Quoc is that in Phu Quoc they use REAL Phu Quoc fish sauce, which blows Pok Pok's sauce out of the water. Try them anyway. They're great.

Now I'm back in Saigon, gearing up for Tet. The excitement is building, and you can feel it everywhere. I for one am very excited. It's going to be really fun.

Kwassaki

Kwassaki
Originally uploaded by toy ghost

Yep. You saw it here first, folks. KwASSaki.

The New House

My's new house is what I might call Neo-Retro Viet Chic. It is at once like a Venice beach house from the eighties and a vietnamese spaceship. It's built like a tree- straight up. The stairway (stem) the goes straight up the middle has landings (nodes) at half-floors that lead to bedrooms and bathrooms (branches). I love it. It gets lots of light, it has great cross-ventilation, and dammit, i feel like i'm in a spaceship!

More photos later. I'm going to the beach.

The Build-up in Traffic

Ok, about the traffic. It has become all kinds of wrong. It's like high-stakes gambling every time I get on the road. All the new cars and trucks are making the roads extremely dangerous.

First of all, people are driving cars as if they were motorbikes- meaning that they don't follow any rules and jockey for position the same as everyone else. Whereas before you might be riding along, and all of a sudden a motorbike came right at you against traffic- Now you have to contend with a less shy SUV. It's also harrowing yet thrilling when you have to thread the needle between a bus and a truck and get through before one merges in front of another. It's all utter madness. John Woo or Ringo Lam should film an action movie here.

There's been no great attempt at a mass transit system here yet. Whatever is in place is a rusting heap of sadness in a failure sauce. Saigon needs an elevated train NOW.

Hoogo map qua...

While going around town saying hi to My's relatives and friends, I've noticed that there's a trend to their reactions to seeing me. Almost across the board, the first thing they say is something like, "Hoogo map qua" (Howell's all fat). So I've gained a few pounds... I mean, it IS possible my gut might be getting large enough to have its own name. Then they might add the fact that I'm fish-belly white. So, I'm a fat white man.

Apparently that's a good thing here. They love fat. And white too, actually. So really it's a compliment. Although I'll be lean and brown pretty soon.

Phu Quoc

My and I got tickets to fly to Phu Quoc Island tomorrow. They call it Phu Quoc, but I refer to it as Phu Q, as in "Phu Q guys, I'm goin to the beach!" It's off the coast of Cambodia in the Gulf of Siam, and is considered Vietnam's premier resort spot. It's supposed to be pretty great.

By the way, Florent the monkey is history. My wasn't digging it either. It was fun for maybe an hour, like Monopoly. Actually, if not for the screaming and biting, we might've been good pals. But Florent buddy, you picked a different road. Via con Dios.

Saigon Today

Saigon is changing rapidly. It's changed alot since i left even- just six months ago.

Some of my old haunts are shut down, with other, bizarro joints in their places. High-rise buildings have sprouted up everywhere, and some streets are almost unrecognizable. There must be at least double the number of cars, and the traffic is really becoming an uncontrolable social evil.

Vietnam has instated a helmet law though, to the protestations of just about everyone. Someone is doing a good job of designing some stylish helmets though. My suggested i buy a bunch, paint designs on them and sell them. I think it could go over really well.

I'm gauging the rapidity of Saigon's growth first-hand. It's mindboggling. In a few years, Saigon, Vietnam is going to be a totally modern city and a VERY cool place to be.

Feeling Better

Thanks to the gracious attentions of My and Hien I am feeling much better now. I tell you what, there's nothing better for what ails you than a couple vietnamese women armed with spicy soups. I pity the flu.


We've been laying around listening to the palm trees brush against the balcony, and it's been quite cool here on the river. My is renting a new house which i'll talk about later. It's all very pleasant here, all except for this damn monkey My bought. He's not long for this world.

I didn't get an acceptable answer when i asked her why she bought this thing. She was driving around town and saw it on the side of the road for sale for 80,000 dong ($5) I guess she just decided that it was time to have a monkey. It's a total bastard and i'll have none of it. It hardly ever leaves you alone, and if i leave the window/vent in the bathroom open at night, he gets into the bedroom and harasses us. And pees. And poos. And then you have to catch him to get him out. But he don't wanna go out. Damn this monkey.

I may soon have blood on my hands.

Troi oi

So i didn't do much in Phnom Penh because i've been furiously sick. I literally couldn't get out of bed all day the other day due to a lovely fever. I tell you one thing, traveling around in Southeast Asia while feverishly ill SUCKS.

I made it to Vietnam though, but My never got my email and my phone was dead so i waited around for an hour and then got a taxi to My's folks' house. They were excited to see me, but i felt bad because i was so ill. Not an entrance i would have wanted.

My took me home though and is taking care of me. Freshly squeezed OJ. Strawberry shakes. Pirated DVDs.

Incidentally, when the vietnamese dub a movie, for some reason they only use one actress for all of the voices. And she doesn't even try to differentiate between the characters, or include ANY emotional nuances. I don't know how the vietnamese can understand it. Looks and sounds very confusing to me. Another thing i wonder about is the fact that there's only ONE woman who does this for each and every movie dubbed in vietnamese. Is it because the industry here is so cheap, or is this girl just so good the public demands her? Who IS this girl?? I gotta find out.

Phnom Penh

PhnomPenh- city of writers, spies, dissidents, bloody military coups, pirates, and women so fast they demonstrate the doppler effect. This is quite possibly the rawest, most lawless place on the planet. I'll be here for a few days. I can't help myself. Keep me in your prayers.

For a good bit of the afternoon i've been sitting in a rattan chair on top of the Foreign Correspondents Club, drinking vodka and clamato. A little later I think I'll be ready to go fire some guns. Maybe even a rocket launcher. There's a place you can do that, no lie.

Garcon! Take me to bang bang!

I'll get it all out of my system soon. Just need a fix.

Korean love

The flight was with a Korean carrier, which was a cool experience. They keep you fed, that's for sure. And what do you think was on the in-flight tv? That's right- Korean soap operas- 4 glorious channels. And what did i do for most of the 16 hours to Cambodia?

You know what i did. I ate beef bowl and kim chee and watched Korean soap operas.

Korean stewardess: You want something drinks?

Cambodian passenger: Please to have we ate.

stewardess: you ate?

cambodian: no, WE ate.

stewardess: you want something drinks?

cambodian: Yez, WE ATE- tomato juice!

[canned laughter]

Bon Voyage

Leaving tomorrow morning for Phnom Penh, Cambodia, via Seoul, Korea. Next time you hear from me, I'll be sipping cocktails on the Raffles Hotel terrace overlooking the Mekong, looking like a young Mark Twain.

I leave you with this Lemon Jelly tune. Bisous!

Princess Satoko

Shinashi Satoko is Japan's mixed martial arts queen. She is 26-2, and has only been beaten by this girl down below, Hisae Watanabe. Watanabe has some sweet muay thai kicks, but Satoko is a bulldog!

Watch this video of this little girl (4'8") beating the tar out of all these poor women. A couple guys have to carry one of these girls away... I think I'm developing a severe crush.

Hadouken!!

Bangkok Pop

Loving the Bangkok pop. This is Groovy Airline. I like the way they blend the stylings of E.L.O. and Stereolab and sing it in Thai.